Love Begins with You

Love begins with loving oneself. When we love ourselves, loving others comes easy.

Love Begins with You

Celebrate this Valentine’s Day by pampering yourself.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is smart. When we are rested, relaxed, and satisfied, we fill our hearts with contentment. Our cells sing. In this state there are no expectations, no need for acknowledgement or approval. Rather than coming to Valentine’s Day from a place of lack, we arrive overflowing with abundance — with a desire to give rather than receive. Giving conveys the energy of contentment to others. It multiplies and comes back triple-fold. Try it and see what happens.

When you are caring for someone else, a parent or dependent, self-care is essential — particularly on days like Valentine’s Day when the need to be love and nourished is keenest. Arrange for time off from care giving responsibilities or plan a special Valentine’s Day activity with the assistance of a family member or friend. Ask for what you need. When you do, express it as caregiver maintenance. You would not expect your car to run on empty. The same goes for you.

If you are alone on Valentine’s Day, make it a day of self-love.

Do things for yourself that you would do for a lover. Nourish and pamper yourself. Try out something bold, sexy, a little edgy. Make yourself a Valentine’s Day card and list all the things you love about yourself. For many centuries Valentine’s Day celebrated divine love, or love for God. Don’t be deceived by the avalanche of media around romantic love. DIVINE LOVE is way more important, uplifting, nourishing, and ever-accessible. What better way to honor that love than by honoring the divinity in yourself.

Valentine’s Day can be especially challenging for those who are grieving a loss of the heart. There are so many memories to navigate, each one pointing to the vacancy. Make plans to be with someone. As social animals, we need others of our kind for our survival. This need is wired into our bodies. When we lose of a loved one, our bodies react with a flood of emotions, because the loss is experienced as threat to the organism. The more significant the relationship, the bigger the response. By sharing the day with someone you trust, someone who can hug you and care for you without expectation, you soothe the freaked social animal inside.

You can make the day a little easier by inviting the lost loved-one into your activities. Otherwise, you’ll expend a lot of energy trying to repress what is most on your mind. Share memories, read old valentines, watch a favorite movie, do a spur of the moment ritual of love and release. Savor the love beneath the tears. And when you have had enough, put everything in a grief box for love-keeping, say good-bye for now to the dearly departed and then go out and have some fun.

For more tips on surviving Valentine’s Day, see last year’s blog Valentine Aid for Hurting Hearts.

 Live in the BAY AREA

 From Grief to Grace and Gratitude

Tuesday, February 24
11:30 am – 1 pm
Chapel of the Chimes
4499 Piedmont Avenue
Oakland, CA 94612
Free Event
RSVP:  510-520-0284
Or confirm .

I’m the guest speaker at Pat Henry Sullivan’s Meet-up Series: “Make the Rest of Your Life the Best of Your Life.” I’ll be talking about the connection between grief and genius. Find out how loss can inspire creativity and creativity can help to heal the wounded heart. Brainstorm some bold and creative ways to let go of unreleased loss. Lunch is provided courtesy of Chapel of the Chimes. Don’t forget to RSVP.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Grief Transformation Coach Michelle Peticolas, Ph.D. helps professional women struggling with grief and loss to gain peace of mind, closure and a life worth living. If you’re ready to shift into a whole new way of being with death and loss, a new way of living your life, get Michelle’s complimentary guide, Essentials for Grieving Well at

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