Lucky Inner Connection

Connection with others is the 4th essential element in creating good luck in one’s life. It is the container that holds the other three elements of luck — confidence, vision, and action which were described in previous blogs.


The responses of those we care about, those we are connected to, can lift us to heaven or smash us into the ground. When we are lifted, magic happens.

Social influence is a fact of human nature. Humans are wired to bond. Their survival and success depend on their social connections from birth to death.

Connection Builds the Dream

The Effects of Early Connection

Children are dependent on their parents or guardians for many years. These early social connections have a significant impact on how children, and later the adults they grow into, perceive the world and themselves.

Children who feel safe and empowered in these early connections will develop confidence which aids in their success.

My mother, who was an artist and toy designer, encouraged artistic expression in her children. I drew my first purple dinosaur when I was about 10 years old. This dinosaur adorned the wall in our family room along with the creations of my sisters. Because of my mother’s enthusiastic response, these drawings come easily to me.

Most of us have some area in our lives where we feel confident — some attribute or ability affirmed or encouraged through our early connections. My husband learned wood crafting skills from both his father and grandfather. This is his strongest area of confidence.

When we tap into our area of confidence, it uplifts our energy.

We want to become familiar with this feeling, this energy of certainty. This is the same energy needed to succeed in other areas.

Take the time to identify the parameters of this area of confidence in yourself. If, for example, artistic talent was encouraged, would that include painting, sculpting, photography, filmmaking, writing, dancing, poetry? Is it possible to expand that confidence to other areas or activities? My husband, for example, has expanded his confidence around woodworking into doing the renovation of our back building. Yes, it requires learning and up-skilling, but the confidence he has makes that possible. It gives him the patience and tenacity required to succeed.

Where does confidence get lost? Be curious here as well. Is there a memory, a story, a verbal warning associated with this loss in confidence?

Threatening, abusive and even neglectful experiences from childhood will undermine confidence and generate protective behavior patterns. These survival patterns keep the child safe but will undermine confidence and the actions required to be successful.

Fear is the underlying motivation of all survival patterns. It is the opposite of confidence — the state needed to attract luck.

Going from survival mode to success requires consciousness and action both in the inner world of the mind and the outer world.

Changing the Inner Connection

The inner world is made up of thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and how the world works. This inner world affects our present relationships and everything we do. Much of it is unconscious.

The words of parents and guardians continue to whisper in our ears long after their authors have departed our lives. These ghost relations populate our inner connections. They are every bit as powerful, if not more so, than those in the outer world.

Our childhood connections tint the glasses through which everything else is viewed.

Awareness is the first step in mastering these subterranean voices. Once we know these voices, we can begin to replace those that disempower us with new ones that uplift and inspire. Just like developing new muscle, this replacement takes practice and repetition.

Here are some suggestions:

  1. Begin by paying close attention to what you say — about yourself, about others. Do you speak with respect? With compassion? With gratitude? Or do you complain? Describe yourself as a victim? Criticize or put yourself or others down? Negative talk attracts negative outcomes. We create and experience the world we describe.
  2. Watch your thoughts as well as your words. When something does not turn out as planned, what do you focus on? What interpretation or meaning do you assign to it? Do you focus on what went wrong or what was gained in knowledge? When we focus on the positive benefits of our experience, we shift the inner world as well as the outer world in a positive direction.
  3. When negative thoughts and fears seem relentless, try to personify the voice. Assign it a character like one of the critters in my blog drawing above. Make it small and cute. Repeat the thoughts out loud in a squeaky or silly voice. The cute character and silly voice allow us to dissociate ourselves from the voice while simultaneously diminishing its power.
  4. Reword disempowering phrases. Instead of saying I am struggling; say I am learning. Instead of having bad luck, say I am going through a growth period or I am experiencing some interesting challenges. Words are powerful. They cast spells over our minds and out into the world.
  5. Counter negative thoughts with an opposing thought. Change: It’s hard to make good friends into It is easy to make good friends. Notice how this new phrase feels. It’s ok for it to feel untrue. Practice will gradually change this. It is like taking the antidote to poison or casting a counter spell.
  6. Attach positive personas to the new voices you are creating in your head. Imagine that a guardian angel, a benevolent ancestor, an ascended master, or a higher self is speaking to you. What do they say?
  7. Love is the antidote to fear. Become your own best friend and ideal mother. Praise yourself, nurture yourself, express love and compassion when you are hurt, discouraged or afraid. Then push yourself back on the stage of life, just like a good mom.
  8. Practice gratitude and appreciation of others. Notice what your smile manifests. The return smile of a person on the street can be very uplifting
  9. Don’t give up. It took many years to get to where you are today. It will take time to change the survival patterns.
  10. Celebrate your success either alone or with others. Celebration can be as simple as acknowledging the changes you are making, or as elaborate as a trip to Bali.

In the next post, we will look how to increase positive energy in our outer world connections.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Dr. Michelle Peticolas is a national speaker and expert on the topics of loss, emotional wounding and unresolved grief. She has a Ph.D. in Sociology and over 18 years experience coaching people through major life challenges.  If you’re ready to release old wounds and trapped emotions that may be holding you back and step into a life really worth living, get Michelle’s complimentary illustrated guide, Essentials for Grieving Well at



Speak Your Mind