Love begins with loving oneself. When we love ourselves, loving others comes easy. Celebrate this Valentine’s Day by pampering yourself. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is smart. When we are rested, relaxed, and satisfied, we fill our hearts with contentment. Our cells sing. In this state there are no expectations, no need […]
I DON’T LIKE CHANGE!! Recently, I had to buy a NEW computer. I had to. I committed to finishing the fourth film in the Secrets of Life and Death documentary series (working title: Life After Loss) and my old Mac Pro just isn’t up to the task. A new super-duper, high-powered iMac arrived at my […]
All living creatures come equipped with some form of a distress signaling system. It is a matter of survival and happiness. In his book Buddha Brain, psychologist Rick Hansen described three evolutionary stages of the brain that provide different signaling systems: the Brain Stem, the Limbic System and the Neocortex. Each of these brains focuses […]
Grief is often described as a normal emotional response to loss. The problem with this definition is that we inhabit an emotion-phobic culture. Uncontrolled emotions are associated with being weak, unable to cope, and not being in command. Thus the person in grief often faces the double whammy of intense emotions along with the shame […]
We live in a culture that values emotional control and therefore does not provide much usable information on handling grief. When someone experiences a profound loss, it can feel very risky to be around others. Few know how to respond appropriately and the last thing a griever needs is needs is the discomfort of others […]
I have never thought of myself as one to bury feelings. When I’m sad or hurt, I readily cry. When I feel anger, I have a lightening fast temper. There are, however, some feelings I am not so open to experiencing, anxiety for example. I do everything I can to shift this emotion as quickly […]
I experienced a number of losses the year Marianne died — three friends and a brother. I felt her death more keenly because she was among my closest friends and because I accompanied her through the final months of her dying. Our friendship became more intimate at the very time I had to letting go […]
Death has a bad public image. In hospitals, it’s the enemy to be fought and resisted. On TV, death is either quick and quickly forgotten in cop shows; scary, ooookeee spooky in horror shows; or tragic and depressing in dramas. Death needs a new PR campaign! We need new stories about death if we are […]
I made a lot of mistakes when my parents were dying. Obvious signs of their aging were overlooked, communication broke down, I often failed to show up and when I did, I quickly ran away. I felt confused, indecisive and overwhelmed and when they were gone, full of remorse and regret. The experience was intense […]
The issue of forgiveness frequently comes up in grief. Both regrets and resentments often accompany significant loss. You make mistakes. Others make mistakes, are insensitive, clueless, stressed. Weird family dynamics get triggered. Regrets are about the actions you took or did not take that you wish had been otherwise. Common missteps of caregiving often top […]
