August — time to connect with friends and family! This summer I took some time off and went on retreat to a Sufi center in New Mexico. I’ve been doing this on and off for over 30 years, but two years had slipped by since I last went. It felt good to renew friendships. Sadly, […]
Modeled after Oregon’s Death with Dignity Act, the California End of Life Option Act, SB128 would allow a mentally competent, terminally ill adult in the final stages of his/her disease to request medication from a physician to bring about a peaceful death. This is a big step that should receive our careful thought and discussion. […]
All living creatures come equipped with some form of a distress signaling system. It is a matter of survival and happiness. In his book Buddha Brain, psychologist Rick Hansen described three evolutionary stages of the brain that provide different signaling systems: the Brain Stem, the Limbic System and the Neocortex. Each of these brains focuses […]
We live in a culture that values emotional control and therefore does not provide much usable information on handling grief. When someone experiences a profound loss, it can feel very risky to be around others. Few know how to respond appropriately and the last thing a griever needs is needs is the discomfort of others […]
I experienced a number of losses the year Marianne died — three friends and a brother. I felt her death more keenly because she was among my closest friends and because I accompanied her through the final months of her dying. Our friendship became more intimate at the very time I had to letting go […]
Death has a bad public image. In hospitals, it’s the enemy to be fought and resisted. On TV, death is either quick and quickly forgotten in cop shows; scary, ooookeee spooky in horror shows; or tragic and depressing in dramas. Death needs a new PR campaign! We need new stories about death if we are […]
I made a lot of mistakes when my parents were dying. Obvious signs of their aging were overlooked, communication broke down, I often failed to show up and when I did, I quickly ran away. I felt confused, indecisive and overwhelmed and when they were gone, full of remorse and regret. The experience was intense […]
We all die. It’s part of life. But few of us want think about it unless we have to. The aging of our parents is a powerful reminder, which offers special opportunities for healing, personal growth and connection. One of the hardest things about helping aging parents is making the shift from “child” to “caregiver” […]
When my friend, Marianne, had a recurrence of a particularly nasty cancer, she fought it for all she was worth. She was only 53 and not ready to die. Her oncologist told her it was time to sign up with hospice. Instead she plopped down $4,000, crossed the Mexican boarder and returned with a bag […]
The issue of forgiveness frequently comes up in grief. Both regrets and resentments often accompany significant loss. You make mistakes. Others make mistakes, are insensitive, clueless, stressed. Weird family dynamics get triggered. Regrets are about the actions you took or did not take that you wish had been otherwise. Common missteps of caregiving often top […]
