We live in a culture that values emotional control and therefore does not provide much usable information on handling grief. When someone experiences a profound loss, it can feel very risky to be around others. Few know how to respond appropriately and the last thing a griever needs is needs is the discomfort of others […]
I have never thought of myself as one to bury feelings. When I’m sad or hurt, I readily cry. When I feel anger, I have a lightening fast temper. There are, however, some feelings I am not so open to experiencing, anxiety for example. I do everything I can to shift this emotion as quickly […]
I experienced a number of losses the year Marianne died — three friends and a brother. I felt her death more keenly because she was among my closest friends and because I accompanied her through the final months of her dying. Our friendship became more intimate at the very time I had to letting go […]
Death has a bad public image. In hospitals, it’s the enemy to be fought and resisted. On TV, death is either quick and quickly forgotten in cop shows; scary, ooookeee spooky in horror shows; or tragic and depressing in dramas. Death needs a new PR campaign! We need new stories about death if we are […]
The issue of forgiveness frequently comes up in grief. Both regrets and resentments often accompany significant loss. You make mistakes. Others make mistakes, are insensitive, clueless, stressed. Weird family dynamics get triggered. Regrets are about the actions you took or did not take that you wish had been otherwise. Common missteps of caregiving often top […]
One of the more distressing manifestations of grief — along with the clenching heart pain, bottomless sorrow, mind fog and exhaustion — is an unrelenting loop of disturbing thoughts. I am particularly susceptible to this sort of misery because I am born under the sign of Aquarius, which loves the airy heights of the mind. […]
I like the idea of a day dedicated to the celebration of love. We can always use more love-consciousness in our lives. The origins of Valentines Day have been traced back to the ancient Roman feast of Lupercalia, a spring fertility festival celebrated on February 15th. This holiday was usurped by the Roman Catholics and […]
Last Thursday I did a workshop on grieving at the El Cerrito Public Library. My film, The Heart of Grieving, was screened and people shared their stories of loss. Very soon we were talking about the mystery that can surround death – things like people timing their death to accommodate the needs of their family, […]
As the saying goes: Nothing in life is certain except death and taxes. Taxes, however, come due at predictable times, which forces us to prepare, even if we hate doing it. Death, on the other had, is completely unpredictable and so much easier to put it out of our minds until it is too late. […]
My sister Kip and her husband Richard had two adorable brown sable Burmese kitties — Mina and Clovis. They were litter mates, housemate, and playmates. Last November, during that terrible Sandy storm that left parts of Lower Manhattan without power, Mina stopped eating. At first they assumed it was the stress of the storm. But […]
