One of the challenges children of aging parents face is getting them to cooperate with changes that are for their own good. It is not easy for them. The change often means more restrictions, less independence, a diminution in self esteem, a reminder that they are losing their capacity. Of course they feel resistant. Aging […]
So many things can work against our efforts to care for ourselves while caring for aging loved ones. Being too busy is a big one. There are often numerous medical appointments. The house may need alterations. There is new equipment to buy, research to be done, help to be coordinated. Plus there are all the […]
When my friend, Marianne, had a recurrence of a particularly nasty cancer, she fought it for all she was worth. She was only 53 and not ready to die. Her oncologist told her it was time to sign up with hospice. Instead she plopped down $4,000, crossed the Mexican boarder and returned with a bag […]
Legendary film star Bette Davis once said: Getting old is not for sissies! For those of us in the firm grasp of the jaws of time, it’s hard not to agree. Aging certainly has its challenges — failing eyesight, sagging skin, a stranger’s face staring back at us in the mirror, receding gums, hair thinning […]
The issue of forgiveness frequently comes up in grief. Both regrets and resentments often accompany significant loss. You make mistakes. Others make mistakes, are insensitive, clueless, stressed. Weird family dynamics get triggered. Regrets are about the actions you took or did not take that you wish had been otherwise. Common missteps of caregiving often top […]
One of the more distressing manifestations of grief — along with the clenching heart pain, bottomless sorrow, mind fog and exhaustion — is an unrelenting loop of disturbing thoughts. I am particularly susceptible to this sort of misery because I am born under the sign of Aquarius, which loves the airy heights of the mind. […]
I like the idea of a day dedicated to the celebration of love. We can always use more love-consciousness in our lives. The origins of Valentines Day have been traced back to the ancient Roman feast of Lupercalia, a spring fertility festival celebrated on February 15th. This holiday was usurped by the Roman Catholics and […]
Last Thursday I did a workshop on grieving at the El Cerrito Public Library. My film, The Heart of Grieving, was screened and people shared their stories of loss. Very soon we were talking about the mystery that can surround death – things like people timing their death to accommodate the needs of their family, […]
Yesterday I was interviewed by Cheryl Jones on VoiceAmerica. Her show, Good Grief, is about the transformational possibilities of grief. So we talked about the loss of my parents and how that led me to make my film series, Secrets of Life and Death. Interestingly, it was the difficult parts of my parents’ dying: my […]
The wind was blowing strong and fierce the other day — a warm, dry Santa Ana wind that rustled through the plastic tarps in the backyard, knocking off garbage lids and whipping the trees. Unusual for this time of year even for the Bay Area. It is the kind of wind that signals to my […]
